The Darkness…. Depression

I moved here to have a relationship with my son. Now his father is moving him away right back where I was living before this. I can’t believe this is happening. I am so lost. My son thinks I am boring and lazy. I am low income and disabled. I don’t know how I am going to get thru this.

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West Virginia Redneck…

Well I woke up this morning, made a coffee. Chatted on the phone (cellphone) with my best guy friend whom I have known since I was about 20yrs old. We talked about our money, car and other life problems we are having and someone upstairs (Heaven) decided to teach me a lesson about small miracles or play a nasty trick on me. The electricity went out! Well I am finding out that the spotty cell service we have doesn’t work without electricity! I can only assume that the tower needs electricity to work. Sigh…… So yes I am sitting here waiting for the cable, electric and cell service to start working again! My mother is more than unhappy. She is her usual spitfire self. Swearing and complaining….. ” What if someone needs us and doesn’t know we don’t have cell service?”….. Me: Who the hell would want us? We don’t really know anyone in W.V! LOL” Her: I don’t know? Who are u texting?” As she here the tapping on my phone…. Me: Mom! LOL I am blogging. It will post when I have cell service again! LOL Remember we don’t have service? Her: Aww fuck this shit! Prick! What the fuck! I was gonna make phone calls God damn it! Me: LMAO!

What I am getting to is….. LOL We need to buy a CB radio to reach the outside world around here and just get use to it here. LOL

Thanks for reading!

What To Do Next?

I don’t know if any of u have an ederly parent but if u do u are probably going thru the same thing I am. If u don’t yet? Good luck! My mother just turned 72 yrs old in Sept. Her attitude has changed dramatically in the past yr. She was living on her own and moved in with me and my daughter to help me financially and due to her age. She fell a few times and bruised herself pretty good. No broken bones, thank God. During the past yr we have had some stress. My brother and ex-fiancee are both addict’s and many things to us financially. Honestly right now I don’t even wish to go thru the long list of disappointments. My mother is very unhappy at this point due to loss of financial stability, moving away from the friends and the state she grew up. She is constantly talking about how she is going to get me settled and move back north and insults my parenting skills. She even stated if I want to raise a couple of ignorant bastards I could but she isn’t sticking around to watch! I understand the stress of everything she is going thru. She can’t have control of everything and that’s what she wants. She has always been that way. I have agrued with her many, many times thru out my life to regain control of myself and my kids. It’s hard to deal with. There are no good words for this situation. I am at the point that if she wants to leave then she should just go so we all can be happy! Hearing all the complaining and insults are just to much. I don’t even think my kids want to be around their own grandmother anymore! Either she is losing her mind or she just wants to leave. Help!!!!!!!

Letter to my daughter….

Dear Daughter,

I know we didn’t see this coming… I wouldn’t have planned this for our family. But we will be taken care of by a Heavenly Father who cares about every detail of our lives and our hearts. Hold onto his hand, and he will hold you close. I am supposed to be stronger than you. I am supposed to be the safe one. I am supposed to be your refuge. I am supposed to be your example. But there are days when I don’t have enough strength for myself, let alone for the both of us. But you, at your age, already know that, don’t you? I know this is a very difficult time in our family. Trust me, I know. I know that everything feels shaky and uncertain. And I know that you are probably feeling everything from scared to angry to wounded and betrayed by the man you thought would never hurt you. Can I tell you I’m sorry? I’m sorry that he failed in the relationship that was supposed to be your model for your future. I am sorry that he is causing you pain. I hope you’ll see one day that in my choices and decisions always, I’ve always had your best interest in mind. I am truly doing what I think is right. But I know it still hurts. A lot. I wonder if you have any idea how much guilt I carry around, knowing that I am some of the cause of your pain. Do you know? Can you see it in my eyes? I try to put on a brave face. Always know that it’s OK to cry and it’s OK to grieve, but always move forward and never stop believing. We can make it through anything together, you and me. I will be here for you always as a parent should. Standing by your side. I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!

Love,

Your Mistakenly Mistaken Mother….